A day came this summer that I knew would someday arrive, the death of my 16-year-old Chocolate Labrador. It was tough on the family, but we stuck together, learned from it, and gained some wisdom. Having two remaining dogs to take hiking, canoeing, and swimming in the lake helped. A month later lightning struck a second time, as my 11-year old Chocolate Lab came down with cancer. A week later he was dead, his liver swollen to three times normal size, unable to eat.
I’d have been better off being hit with a two-by-four upside my head. I learned a humbling lesson when I brought all my resources to bear to save him: All my money, all my muscles, all my brains, and all my time were not enough to hold onto my beloved dog, keeping him here. Not only that, but he was being tortured by the cancer that was eating him alive. My sole power was my ability to kill him. I was dunked in a cold, deep pool of humility, gasping for air, my illusions shattered.
The house was so full of memories that the wife and I took off on a two-week road trip to clear our heads. We were in the biggest state of grief since our childhoods, when different family members had died. I was determined that this misery would not be in vain; that I would grow wiser from it. I began to muse on the meaning of grief, and of loss. A few insights I received were:
- It’s ok to cry. Big boys do cry.
- It’s not ok to feel sorry for yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself is something 8-year-old suburban girls do when they didn’t get all the presents they wanted for their birthday. Losers feel sorry for themselves because they feel entitled. We are entitled to nothing in this life.
- You are less powerful than you think
- Your creator is far more powerful than you think
- Suffering can unite us more closely to Christ if we let it. A prayer to this effect places the stamp on the envelope: “Heavenly Father, I accept this grief as your will for me at this moment. Let this suffering be united to the suffering of Christ on the Cross. Let it make me grow in love and humility, ever closer to you.”
- Don’t try to make sense of it now, just accept it. It will make sense later. Accepting what is without demanding “WHY?” is a sign of your faith.
- Dogs, like most blessings, are rentals, not property of yours. If you really believe you own them, try keeping them on the planet when they get cancer. Yes, go ahead and use all your resources. Your power and ownership are illusions.
- Consider whether you have been unnaturally attached to both the good and bad things in your life. Enjoy being alive, but don’t get too attached to anything, lest you be humbled when the rug is pulled out. Imagine how free you’d be with less attachments.
- You must still love; you do not get to be jaded. You will be hurt only to the extent that you need what you love. Love and be grateful for the blessings you receive, but do not need them.